Things You'll Never Hear a Man Say

  1.   I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
  2.   No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
  3.   Her tits are just too big.
  4.   Sometimes I just want to be held.
  5.   That chick on "20/20" gives me a woody.
  6.   Sure! I'd love to wear a condom.
  7.   We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can
       hold your purse.
  8.   Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch "Ally McBeal".
  9.   It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
 10.   Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons???
 11.   I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
 12.   I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
 13.   Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
 14.   I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when
        she's getting ready for bed?.  Maybe I should tell her.
 15.   No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
 16.   Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at
       them any more.
 17.   I understand. (thank God men don't say this because we know they
       don't)
 18.   This movie has way too much nudity.
 19.   Damn, we're late for church!
 20.   No! I don't want to see your sister's tits.
 21.   Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
 22.   Put some panties on for Christ's sake.
 23.   Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret
       Model!!
 24.   Don't pick that up, I got it.
 25.   Happy Anniversary!!!
 26.   Hey, isn't today your mother's birthday??
 27.   Let's talk, I miss talking.
 28.   Gay men have rights too!
 29.   I am just too tired to have sex again today!
 30.   Are you losing weight sweetie??